Have you ever noticed that certain medications have ridiculously ironic/disturbing/hilarious (but only if it’s not happening to me) side effects? Check out my list below. Seems like some of these drugs needed a little more tweaking. I’ve obviously changed the names of the medications but the rest is accurate!
1. Hairbackon: Uses: Hairbackon is prescribed to treat male pattern hair loss on the vertex and the anterior mid-scalp area. Potential Side Effects: Decreased interest in sexual intercourse; inability to have or keep an erection; loss in sexual ability, desire, drive, or performance. Commentary: So, let’s get this straight. A man is balding and feels that if he could just grow some more hair he could attract the woman he’s always wanted. He begins taking Hairbackon, grows a new head of lustrous hair, and meets a great girl. Problem is, he has no interest in sleeping with her. So now they just spend their time together discussing his amazing hair and the hair products they have in common.
2. Bloodclotsaway: Uses: Used to reduce the risk of stroke and blood clots in people with atrial fibrillation. Potential Side Effects: Stopping Bloodclotsaway increases your risk of having a stroke. Commentary: I’m not getting clots today, but I may get them tomorrow!
3. Bigmoneybigmoney: Uses: used to treat symptoms of Parkinson’s disease, such as stiffness, tremors, muscle spasms, and poor muscle control. Bigmoneybigmoney is also used to treat restless legs syndrome. Potential Side Effects: You may have increased sexual urges or unusual urges to gamble. Commentary: If you combine this medication with Hairbackon, you can have a full head of hair and the desire to have sex with your girlfriend. The downside is that you might be arrested in an FBI sting targeting illegal gambling.
4. Headachesbegone: Uses: The first and only preventive treatment approved by the FDA for adults with chronic migraine (15 or more headache days a month, each lasting 4 hours or more). Potential Side Effects: Headache. Commentary: Really?
5. Nopeepeeinpants: Uses: Treats overactive bladder symptoms such as a strong need to urinate with leaking or wetting accidents. Potential Side Effects: loss of bladder control. Commentary: Really?
6. Breathebetter: Uses: Breathebetter contains a steroid that reduces inflammation in the body and a bronchodilator that relaxes muscles in the airways to improve breathing. Potential Side Effects: Breathebetter may increase the risk of asthma-related death or breathing problems that require you to be in the hospital. Commentary: You can’t make this stuff up.
7. Any antidepressant: Uses: Affects chemicals in the brain that may have become unbalanced and caused depression, panic, anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive symptoms. Potential Side Effects: mood or behavior changes, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, feeling impulsive, irritable, agitated, hostile, aggressive, restless, hyperactive (mentally or physically), more depressed or thoughts about suicide or hurting yourself. Commentary: Really?
8. Icannotsleepawink: Uses: Treats insomnia, a sleep disorder that makes it difficult for you to go to sleep, stay asleep, or both. Potential Side Effects: Rarely, after taking this drug, people have gotten out of bed and driven vehicles while not fully awake (“sleep-driving”). People have also sleepwalked, prepared/eaten food, made phone calls, or had sex while not fully awake. Often, these people do not remember these events. This problem can be dangerous to you or to others. If you find out that you have done any of these activities after taking this medication, tell your doctor right away. Your risk is increased if you use alcohol or other medications that can make you drowsy while taking Icannotsleepawink. Commentary: Wow.