Board of Directors
7 Astor Court
New York, NY 10021
To whom it may concern,
I am delighted to offer my full support of Felicity and Mortimer Trentcort’s application to purchase Apartment 47A in your Cooperative, the revered and respected, 7 Astor Court (10021, baby!).
Felicity and I have known each other since we were 5 years old. Even at such a young age, Felicity had a discernible palate for people, always knowing who would fit in well with our friend group (Yeardley – discreet), and who would not (Constance – fat). This talent has not only lasted throughout the years, it has become even more refined; in fact, those closest to Felicity now refer to her as Cersei. I am confident that once you get to know her, you will love her! Or else…
What can I tell you about Mortimer? When I first met Mortimer back in 2002, I was surprised that he was dressed as the Penguin from Batman; after all, it was July. But then I found out that that’s just what Mortimer looks like. Over the years, I have come to know Mortimer to be a kind, loyal, and generous man. And he loves children. LOVES. I daresay I’ve never seen anything like it. For example, he will only sit at the kids’ table at parties and, in his spare time, he can almost always be found playing in the park with balls.
Mortimer and Felicity both have close relationships with their families. In fact, Felicity and her brother, Niles, are rather inseparable. Lest you should get the wrong idea, I can assure you that they are not sleeping together (neither are Felicity and Mortimer, but you didn’t hear that from me).
Mortimer and Felicity’s children are three of the loveliest, most thoughtful creatures you’ve ever met. Just the other day, after Thurston sunk his teeth deep into my thigh, he wrote me the kindest apology note, and included a gift card for Botox. What other 6-year-old is that attuned to the needs of others? And the twin girls, Georgiana and Helvetica? Well, truthfully, I haven’t spent much time with them, as their baby nurse hasn’t left yet. How could she? The girls are only 3!
Friendships are of the utmost importance to Mortimer and Felicity, as evidenced by the fact that they will do whatever it takes to make their children popular. In their current apartment, they have built three basketball hoops, two soccer goals, and a movie theater with surround sound, and they have legions of children over every afternoon to play. Sometimes they even have age-appropriate live music to entertain the sweet young things. Recently it was Billie something or other. Eyelash? Eilish? Interestingly, this performer seemed to appeal to the adults as well, as the parents who came after work to collect their spawn ended up staying until midnight, drinking martinis and eating, well…martinis. The Trentcorts and their friends don’t eat food, of course. These days, who does?
In sum, Felicity and Mortimer are warm, unpretentious, and considerate individuals who will unquestionably contribute to your building. Please do not hesitate to reach out with any questions.
C. Elizabeth “Froundsly” Froundsworth